A mother,a bachelor and his whisky

There are days when a phone call from your mother is the last thing you want.A phone call announcing that on that day,Sunday,she will check into your house from the village at exactly 1 pm.(Note:I said announcing.Your mother is not requesting to come to your house – that means that wherever the hell your ass […]

Read and write

My friend (thinks he) wants to be a writer His phone’s memory is spilling over with ebooks Imagine! Ebooks Not photos Not videos Not songs Not even funny memes! Just bloody ebooks! He reads these ebooks while riding in matatus And while waiting in queues And while in the loo – him reading in the […]

Some nights

Insomnia arrives at my door at 1am on the dot.Of course he doesn’t knock.He never knocks.He doesn’t break in either.He uses his duplicate key.It’s like we’re  roommates and he is just arriving  from a night out.I hear the sound of his  footsteps approaching my bedroom.Near.Nearer.That sonofabitch cannot walk without  dragging his feet.The door to my […]

Smile for the camera

Your daughter at the university has stopped shaving her head and started shaving her eyebrows She has downed her headscarfs and donned baseball caps She no longer uses pencils to write on books,she uses them to write on her face She no longer raises her hands to ask questions during lectures (because she no longer […]

About matatus and lucky days

“Tao!”(Whistles) “Tao commercial!”(Thumps the body of the minibus) “Tao” (whistles) “Tao commercial!”(Thumps the body of the minibus) I climb into the matatu and ease myself next to a woman.I look outside the window and steal a flickering glance at her.Her hair stands out for two reasons:1.It is short, about a quarter of an inch in […]

Don’t tell her

(Reposted from 2014) How do I tell her that this shirt I’m wearing,I unhang it from the clothesline of my neighbour while it was still wet And these shoes on my feet, I took them from his doorstep How do I tell her that I’m a pickpocket at Kencom and not a manager at Safaricom […]

Matatu madness

​When I’ll be boarding the matatu to town today, I’ll stop at the door,clench my fist and hit it against the conductor’s clenched fist in greeting, I will sit beside a girl who will be chewing gum loudly.Her lips will be unevenly smeared with pink lipstick.Her eyelashes will have a shade of mascara over them.Around […]